


Ashes to Ashes

by orphan_account



Category: Shiki (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Depressing, Feels, M/M, i'm not even sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-09
Updated: 2015-09-09
Packaged: 2018-04-19 21:55:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4762469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A failure. Everything was a complete and utter failure and the only one Natsuno had to blame for it was himself. When he had attempted to kill himself he never considered the fact that maybe, just maybe both he and the Kirishiki servant would survive the blast. With his whole world now completely upside down and everyone he cared for gone, will Natsuno keep his steady thoughts?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ashes to Ashes

Smouldering leaves crumbled underfoot, the fading sounds of sirens barely penetrating the dangerously silent forest. This area was still smoking from the merciless flame that had also ravaged Sotoba, leaving nothing but ashes where a proud blanket of vegetation once stood surrounding the isolated village. What remained of the once strong fortification was _almost_ completely deserted; indeed, it was difficult to believe that life once thrived in this lonely wasteland, not even animals daring to come out of hiding if they weren’t dead themselves.

The only sound that broke the silence was a low, angered, growl coming from the mouth of a physically exhausted young man. His violet hair hung over his eyes but he didn’t care to swipe it away. His clothes seemed nothing but loose shreds hanging from his body, but still he limped on. The only thing driving him forward was his sheer willpower, and that was scary to the pair of crimson eyes peering out at him from behind a not quite downed tree.

 _I should be dead,_ the male could only think to himself in irritation. After the explosion, he thought he was dead, thought that it was all over for Tatsumi… and himself. Unfortunately when he awoke, he found neither hide nor hair of the Kirishiki servant, berating himself for even once thinking that it would be that simple to kill one of _those_ creatures.

Heat was beating down on the back of Natsuno’s neck even though the moon held no warmth in the slightest. Honestly, the violet-haired male had no idea how he made it out of that bottomless pit, he just… climbed. Though his wounds swiftly healed, the pain was still there although he wasn’t sure if said pain was psychological or not.

_Snap!_

The boy spun on his heels to face the culprit. He had known that someone was following him since way back near the peak of the mountain, but whom or whatever had been tailing him never gave him any incentive to bite. Yes, now that they had decided to show themselves, Natsuno was certain that it was all over, but once the night-headed boy caught a glimpse of his shadow the boy froze in his place, the snide remark he previously had been saving for the occasion now stuck in his throat. What came out was more of a startled choke.

“T… To… You’re ali… alive,” Natsuno’s tongue stumbled over the familiar blond’s name, and eventually just gave up, his throat was searing with pain which made it all the more harder to speak. He didn’t care to keep his façade, the mask he always wore, even in the presence of his best friend and no one else.

“Yeah…” Yes, Natsuno’s best friend was still alive, still… breathing, if you could call it that. Despite healed wounds, Tohru was barely any better than him; his clothes were ripped to shreds and bloody and his generally dishevelled hair was even more out of place than usual.

Natsuno couldn’t say much else, didn’t know _what_ else to say, here he was standing meters away from his best friend, brother, whom he had assumed was dead—whom he _knew_ was dead—and he couldn’t say. A damn. Thing.

“I thought you… I thought you were…”

“Dead,” The way Natsuno said it, the way he was so nonchalant about his own ‘death’ made Tohru cringe, his lips curling in distaste for the word that had been thrown around far too many times that year. _Megumi, dead. Natsuno, dead. Him, dead._

Everyone was, in some way or another, plunged into a world where death had turned into an everyday occurrence, it had turned into something that everyone began to expect and, later, accept. It was funny, in a way, how such a secluded and unassuming village could be torn apart from the inside over a simple pandemic. Except… it was never that simple, was it?

“It was all my fault Natsuno,” Said boy could only growl in irritation as his best friend burst into tears— _No,_ not his best friend—that wolf in sheep’s clothing, praying on his emotions and wants and needs and every other mushy human feeling Natsuno wished didn’t exist within him. But they did exist, and the walking cadaver couldn’t deny them despite not knowing what the constant uneasiness in his stomach whenever he was around Tohru meant.

“Tohru,”

“I killed you and now look what’s—”

“Tohru,”

“—happening! Everyone’s _dead_ or—”

“Tohru, listen to me!” This was the first time in a long while that Natsuno raised his voice, maybe even the first time he’d spoken so harshly to Tohru, and it scratched and stabbed at his vocal chords, as he had expected, “Everyone’s _gone_ , alright? Dead. Megumi, Masao and yes, even Ritsuko. I understand how you feel but the sun’s coming up and we have. To. Leave.”

 _No_ , Natsuno didn’t know how Tohru felt, and that only made everything that much worse for the sobbing blond, but he knew Natsuno was right. If the sun came up and they were still out there, there was _nothing_ that could save them—save _Tohru_ that is.

There was a small sigh after that, breathless and tired and so much more than what Natsuno _would_ normally show outside his own mind, and that surprised Tohru; surprised him out of his tantrum and finally silenced him.

“You’re right; we… have to go…” The blond muttered finally after what seemed like an eternity of complete silence, his eyes (currently seeming normal) puffy and red. He allowed himself to close the gap between the two males before Natsuno spun around and began to walk, feet once again hitting crumbled and singed leaves and ash.

“I,” Natsuno drew an intake of breath, closing his eyes in guilt. It worked, but the night-haired male felt as if he were a bit too harsh on his friend, “We’ll talk about this when we’re… safe,”

He couldn’t stop his voice from cracking at the word ‘safe’ and it suddenly occurred to him that safety was no longer an option. Just where could the two boys consider ‘home’ anymore? What was the real meaning of ‘safe’ to them? Would they be forced to jump from town to town, reigning havoc upon unsuspecting souls like the Kirishiki’s had no doubt done before them? Or would they starve to death as their sanity grew thinner with each passing day? As much as Natsuno always acted like a know-it-all, these questions were ones he couldn’t answer.

From the corner of his eye, Natsuno watched Tohru come to walk silently beside him though his eyes were averted and looking away. The younger boy wanted to reach out to him and comfort him and hug him and—Natsuno shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts that plagued him, now wasn’t the time to be like _this_ , particularly not with his best friend.

The village was gone, their homes all burnt down and for the moment there was nowhere to go. The Kirishiki mansion _might_ serve as a temporary stay, however the villagers had pillaged that place and tore it apart brick from brick. If there was maybe a basement or…

“Do you know if there’s a basement at the Kirishiki’s? Somewhere for us to set up shop for a while?”

“I think it burnt down,” Was all Tohru muttered, unwilling to even consider going near that house. It was apparent Tohru didn’t like it there, but Natsuno wasn’t sure what else to do. All the answers that Natsuno usually thought of had evaporated from his mind completely, unless…

“We _could_ die,” Natsuno whispered quietly, oh so quietly that Tohru wasn’t sure he actually heard it. But he had heard it, and the notion terrified him because he knew Natsuno would do it if he had to.

“Huh?”

Natsuno refused to make another sound, only grabbing Tohru’s sleeve and pulling, pulling him brusquely along with him as he dashed down the mountain and through the floored trees. There was a time when death was a mercy, when killing these creatures, these _Shiki,_ was what he wanted. But after Natsuno’s brush with death for a second time it had become more of a chore than anything else and… he wouldn’t be able to kill Tohru, even if the chance presented itself.

“Natsuno wait!” But Tohru’s shouts fell on deaf ears, only being dragged closer and closer to the village he once called his home. It only took a single branch, just one slip-up of the foot placing and the two were falling, falling then tumbling, tumbling, then coming to a complete stop tangled up in each other’s scarred but swiftly healing limbs.

They hadn’t realised at first, neither of them, they had just been caught up in trying to recover from the jolts to their heads. Natsuno groaned about the weight on top of him first, his lips moving to form curses under his breath. Then it was Tohru’s turn to apologise half-heartedly as he attempted in vain to untangle himself.

It was awkward, but not in the way an outsider would imagine. Tohru’s life belonged to Natsuno, and it was quite clear to the blond male that his best friend knew this too, having complete control over whether he lives or dies, after all it was all Tohru’s fault Natsuno turned in the first place.

“The offer still stands Tohru,” Natsuno muttered, his intense gaze causing Tohru to look away in fear of all his secrets being revealed. The blond could only let out a questioning hum, “We can leave Sotoba.”

“No, I mean why bother with me?” Natsuno was taken aback by the blond’s question and his emotionless façade broke but didn’t mend. Why had he bothered? Why was he giving Tohru yet another chance out of so many? He had formed an attachment. That’s why he had bothered.

Natsuno had never really felt the need to form bonds, as his parents liked to move around a lot with their whims and he was never really in one place long enough to consider making friends not to mention the fact that kids in the city could be pretty ferocious when it came to fitting in, which Natsuno rarely did. Sure, he had always found people interesting or, god forbid, attractive and gender never really mattered to him but he never bothered to get to know them as they didn’t bother to get to know him. But then he moved to Sotoba, and that idiot blond decided that anyone and everything would be his friend whether or not they asked for it, Natsuno Yuki included.

It was annoying, how Natsuno had, from that point on, fallen head over heels for his best friend. Tohru had a girlfriend, or almost had one that is and the blond had even asked for help on the subject despite the fact that Natsuno had next to no experience with it.

“You’re my friend,” Natsuno muttered that shitty excuse just so he could get something out and into the air, but it was clear Tohru knew that wasn’t true.

“You allowed everyone else to die so that’s complete bull,”

“I…” A sigh followed, Natsuno gently pushing Tohru off him so that the both of them could stand up and continue walking. The night-haired boy viciously bit down on his lower lip with a frown, if the two of them were going to get anywhere, it wasn’t without the truth but still Natsuno was… Anxious about it to say the least, “I didn’t realise you were still alive. Maybe… Maybe they didn’t think you’d need much in the way of force or…”

Natsuno mentally kicked himself before moving on to the subject at hand, “… And, bloody hell, maybe I consider you as more than just a friend.” Needless to say Natsuno Yuki was many things, indirect wasn’t one of them. Neither was Tohru Matou subtle when he snorted in both disbelief and shock.

“So let’s talk about it later when you’re safe,”

“No let’s talk about it now!”

“You barely have much time left until sunup and if you don’t get indoors soon you _will_ die,” Natsuno had spun around with his words, finally facing the blond Shiki, lowering his voice from the growl of his previous statement, “Just… Humour me.”

Finally, Tohru nodded, slowly following after him lethargically, He opened his mouth once, then closed it, twice, then closed it again before he finally made a sound, “I’m sorry Natsuno but I can’t return your feelings, not yet.”

“I know,”

**Author's Note:**

> To be honest I'm a sucker for a happy ending, but I also like to think realistically. While it would have been lovely to have these two dorks together at the end of it in all honesty Tohru had a thing for Ritsuko and who can get over people they care about in a day? Anyway that doesn't mean I can't headcannon Tohru as Bisexual as hell, right?  
> On another note I still can't decide whether or not to continue this and turn it into a chapter story. I intended for it to be a one-shot but yeah, I'm not sure how or if I should continue it. please help me decide.


End file.
